“When I was young, my mother taught me that evil flourishes when good men do nothing. This has not been easy for us. The easy thing would have been to do nothing. But I have followed my heart, and I have spoken the truth.”
-Elissa Wall, Author of Stolen Innocence
I don’t find the time to read as much as I should, and I openly admit that I read non-fiction even less. These days, I barely have time to watch my favorite television shows, so the idea of reading a book is nearly inconceivable. However, recently there was a book that came before me that I couldn’t put down. That book was Stolen Innocence by Elissa Wall.
Wall is best known for testifying in the Warren Jeffs trial. A former member of the FLDS (Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints), Wall was born and raised into a polygamist sect where she lived into her young adult life. Stolen Innocence is Wall’s story about being forced to marry her cousin, endure rape and incest (Alan was Elissa’s first cousin), and be torn apart from her family all because of Jeffs and a religion that Wall no longer associates with God.
Most Americans are familiar with polygamy based on what they see on HBO’s hit television show, Big Love. How much truth Big Love offers really depends on the type of polygamist you are. I believe that people can love more than one person at a time. I also believe that plural relationships can work in the right dynamic. That is not to say that I agree with plural marriages that allow 12 year old girls to marry 56 (or older) year old men.
If we are talking about a situation where consenting adults are not 100% present then I think the mothers of these girls should end up in prison for abuse and the men should be placed in the maximum security male prisons with special jumpsuits that label them as pedophiles. After all, we all know what the inmates do to pedophiles, and from what I imagine, it’s no fun playing the girl in those places.
Wall’s account is naturally more true to form than something you would see on television. She paints a picture of a family that did not understand plural marriage and thus tried to force everyone in the family to make it work. The wives did not get along and would compete, the children were placed in the middle, and the general dynamic was not working for anyone. Of course, things only got worse for Elissa and her family when they were reassigned due to her father’s inability to keep the family in line.
Once Elissa and the remaining family (many of her sisters have been married off and her brothers have left or run away, at this point) move in with her new “father” things for Elissa only get worse. She soon learns that she will be getting married to her cousin, Alan. Alan is not too much older than Elissa (under the age of 20), but at 14 Elissa has not even considered the idea of marriage, much less to her cousin.
She depicts a world where she was forced to marry, live with, and sleep with her husband. When she considered suicide or begged to be allowed to leave a husband that she never wanted in the first place, her mother would beg her to behave for her sake as well as for the sake of religion. As a woman, Elissa was barely educated and even then the education was heavily biased with a religious slant.
She details going through numerous miscarriages that could have been the result of inbreeding or the one or two times that an accident had happened during Elissa’s pregnancies. She tells of a life that she didn’t want, but of a loyalty to a religion that she was questioning the whole time. Even when she got a new boyfriend she couldn’t bring herself to leave the religion and the community. They ended up removing her when she didn’t follow the rules.
Giving credit where credit is due, Wall paints a compelling and interesting picture. However, she forgets to put any blame on herself when writing. This book does not feel like something that would bridge the path to healing. Instead it feels like a monetary windfall for someone that feels due what is owed to her. Even then, through it all, even when she outraged me with her honesty and her ignorance, I still felt bad for her that she did not have the guts enough to stand up for herself. Wall did not leave for her. She had no choice to leave. Even then, she replaced one relationship for another. She has yet to ever depend on Elissa and with that in mind I wonder how much she learned about her religion.
While Stolen Innocence is a worthwhile read I hope that people reading have the forethought to see that while polygamist sects such as this are wrong, the act of polygamy does not have to be wrong in a current setting with consenting adults. Though Wall was unwilling to lay blame on herself or her abusive mother, I am able to do just that. I hope that she finds the proper path to healing and that people reading this try to rise above the shock value and see that personal decision is inherent within us all and it has nothing to do with religion.
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