Dear Moms (and Dads),
When I opened this document to write this blog post, I confess that it was going to be something about how dangerous and ignorant I feel Jenny McCarthy is. I went to YouTube and looked for a video of her spewing her ignorance, but I realized, I cannot stand to look at or listen to her and I don’t feel playing her message in one more spot is the right idea. So, instead of that, I have decided to address you specifically.
I am a mother of one child that has Asperger’s Syndrome. When I write this, please know that I am not writing as a beacon for the entire community. I am not asking you to donate money to me or any cause, and I am not profiting from anything that I say here. I am saying it out of love for my child and concern for all parents and children that go through the same things that we do on a daily basis.
Jenny McCarthy paints a picture that is incredibly simplistic. Her child had issues and she didn’t like the diagnosis that was handed to her. Instead of going with that she found another diagnosis and another doctor to confirm it. She changed her son’s diet, “cured” his autism, wrote some books to profit from the venture, and proceeded to knock vaccines in every public media forum she can find.
The result is that there are some parents that are not vaccinating their children. What this means is that diseases and illnesses such as Measles are on the rise. Despite the fact that there has been no proven link between Autism and Vaccines, Ms. McCarthy was so set on “curing” her little boy (who probably does not even have autism) that she has affected the lives of thousands of others by offering non-factual information. Instead of just loving her little boy for who he was, she had to cure him. This leads me to ask…
What is wrong with just loving your child?
I knew from the time my child was around two years old that something was different about him. He seemed bright and knowledgeable about the world around him, but he did things just a little bit slower. He seemed a little bit spacier, like he was in his own world. I tried to find a child psychologist for him then, but was told I was the one that needed therapy. I guess the old adage (a mother knows) is true, because I didn’t give up trying to get him help. I told his medical doctor about his issues before he started Kindergarten and he said he was just a “boy.” Still, I kept trying to get him the help that he needed. His Kindergarten teacher told me that all parents have these worries about their kids. Maybe I was right though, because within a week she was asking me to fill out an ADHD checklist.
The checklist confirmed that he could have ADHD and from there I submitted to an observation period. Within two weeks the school doctors felt that he was Autistic. I did not sit around crying like some might have. I was actually relieved to know what might be occurring in his life. Still, I didn’t think Autism completely fit the bill so I went home and did my homework. I looked at all the signs and symptoms of numerous ASDs and when I saw Asperger’s Syndrome it was like a light bulb went off. I knew that was what was wrong with my son.
The school told me a week later and they were set to explain it to me, but I already knew, causing them to be quite shocked! I got him into therapy right then. Since that time he has had a number of therapists. Some we fired because they didn’t seem to understand my son’s needs and some have left for other reasons (new job, moving out of the area). I’ve never given up on helping him grow and rise above his problems though and I can promise that I never will.
To give you an idea of the things that we go through let me tell you a bit about his symptoms. He’s a picky eater to the point of only liking certain brands (he can smell a hot dog and let you know if it’s his brand or not). If you don’t feed him the things that are comfortable for him then he won’t eat. End of story. He has the social capacity of a six year old even though he is fourteen. As he ages and gets involved with more people, his social age grows, too. However, people his own age sense his differences and are hesitant to bother, so he often spends time with younger children who are on his level or overlook his differences. He whines like a child would.
He has sensation issues (hot, cold, texture, touch). He doesn’t like people invading his personal space, but has no understanding that you have or deserve any personal space of your own. If he likes something he is obsessed with it. He does these things well and could do them forever without the thought of stopping to bathe, brush his teeth, or even sleep. He doesn’t sleep without medication and he is often so hyper without it that he’d stay up until his body would collapse. He’s extremely intelligent, but he’s socially awkward to the point where a person senses his intelligence and often dismisses it because of his social delivery. All things aside, he’s my son and I wouldn’t trade him (or change him) for the world.
It would be amazing if I could wake up one day and see my son interacting the way every other child his age does. It’d be great to know that he can eat the things everyone else eats and that he could survive on his own, if he needed to do so. However, I am not going to try and cure him because my son is not broken. He has issues that are specific to him, like everyone else, and just like everyone else he needs to learn to deal with these issues. As a mother and a parent it is my job to help him do that.
If you are a parent or you know a parent with a child that has an ASD please understand that this is not the end of the world. They are still people. They still have feelings. They are not broken, diseased, or mentally incompetent. They can still learn, feel, and grow just like you. People with ASDs have learned to manage their issues, like everyone else, and have become doctors, painters, artists, and computer programmers. They can function in society, but they need your help.
It is more important to teach your child to live in this world and to love them for who they are. Trying to cure them only takes away from the time that you have with them and what becomes of them when they get older. You have the power to help your child succeed.
Don’t waste it on the false hopes of someone uneducated, desperate, and looking for money. You’re better than that. Your child is more valuable than that.
If you want to love your child in the best way you can you should become educated. Find out everything you can about their issues. Help them to learn to live with them. You can teach them to succeed with enough love, knowledge, and understanding. It should not be about your child being “normal.” It should be about your child being happy.
Thanks for listening.
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